Glimpses

into our day to day life...

Chip tinkled in the tub tonight while standing up. It's the first time he's ever "seen" himself tinkle. He thought it was hilarious!! Oh my goodness!! I laughed so hard!

Did you know that if your child covers herself, and I do mean COVERS herself, in BRIGHT PINK MAKEUP, it might not come off if you scrub her with Dial soap, but a little Shout will do the trick? Yes, I "Shouted it out" (or off) of Izzy!

Little boys can climb up and stand on top of toilet seats before they can walk. They are also fascinated with toilet water and will do anything they can to get to it.

There is no sweeter sound than the laughter of my children -- esp. when one is making the other laugh.

Hearing Little Man say, "Wuv you," absolutely melts my heart.

Painting is a very interesting experience when there are 2 young children in the house.

Little boys learn to make things go VROOM VROOM before they learn to talk and when they do learn to talk, "tractor" and "truck" will come shortly after (if not before) MaMa and DaDa.

Izzy cried longer than Chip when she closed his finger in the door and he had to get stitches.

My kids can turn a tub black with dirt faster than I can sneeze on these gorgeous spring days we've been having. I love it!! (except for the cleaning part)

Brownies after the kids go down taste wonderful.

Izzy enjoys saying "Boston Butt" (with a much higher pitch and great emphasis on the latter word) with a huge grin, b/c we don't usually let her say butt . However, saying that we're having Boston Hiney just doesn't sound very appetizing to me.

Sometimes I'm amazed at the amount of potty talk that I engage in on any given day. A lot of life with little children is all about bodily functions.

I love that Izzy knows that Catie was her sister and Chip's sister too. Lately, she's enjoyed looking at pics of Catie, and I love to hear her laugh at them.

Spring Break

Aaahhhh... I love spring break! We've been busy, but we've been busy on our own terms. And that does not include a 5:30 AM wake up call! Thankfully the kids somehow got that message too and have been sleeping in till at least 7:00 every day (I'm sure I just jinxed myself for tomorrow though).

We've been busy decoating Izzy's room -- we've painted it green (very green), and tomorrow we'll be adding the finishing touches w/ lots of pink, green, and yellow and lots of ribbon. If we can just get the chair rail painted, cut, and hung before the weekend, we'll be set! I can't wait to see the finished product. The only problem is this has totally given me the redecorating bug and I'm already ready to tackle Chip's room next! His room has had classic Pooh in it for nearly 8 years -- could be time for a change! :) It really is amazing what a little paint can do for a room!!

Both kids had well visits today and both are doing well. Chip seems to have some allergy issues as his runny, goopy eyes do not like the pollen! Both kids are off the chart or nearly off for height and weight. They definitely got Tre's height, not mine. Both kids also had to get their finger stuck today. Oh the tears -- esp. from Izzy. Only Chip had to get shots and Izzy cried for him then. She absolutely cannot stand for someone to be hurt or upset (unless of course the 2 of them are after the same toy!). She was very worried for him today when he had to get shots though. My sweet girl...

Here's another favorite Izzy story --

This morning she wanted to build a track for the train and Chip was right in the thick of it and they were both hollering. I told Iz that she could share or put it up and wait until Chip took a nap to play with it. "Ok momma!" she said. There was no change in the hollering and Izzy wasn't making a move, so I said, "Iz, what's your choice?" "You can go ahead and put Chipper down for a nap, Momma." :) Gotta love it!!

Nothing Too Exciting

Whew -- what a weekend! Chip has been one puny boy -- he's really never had a fever before now (unless you count a mild one for a couple of hours about a month ago). He has more than made up for it in the last 3-4 days. High temps of 103 and even above 104 a couple of times. Poor thing -- but he's still good-natured and would even smile some when he felt crummy! He's on an antibiotic, but I think he and Tre' are headed back to the doctor tomorrow morning. We're ready for him to feel better.

Though we didn't get out to enjoy it much since Chip was sick, it was a beautiful weekend! It looks like maybe, just maybe spring is on the way!! I'm so glad we had some good cold (for South GA) weather this winter, but I confess to being ready for spring. I want to get our vegetables in the ground and we need to do some work on Catie's garden. Iz will have fun with all that this year. She's already helped Tre' move a few blueberry bushes that had sprouted up from our other ones. She keeps wanting to know when we can pick them. I think we're going to hit 75 degrees -- bring on the spring!!

Someone asked me the other day what I missed most about Catie... Hmmm... hard question, and one that I don't know that I've ever thought about -- it's hard to pick just one thing. Originally I missed her snuggly self curled up next to me. Then as time passed, and Iz was still really small, I very much missed the conversations we had. She was starting to think and communicate big thoughts before she died and I missed that... still miss that a lot, in fact. Now Iz is starting to think big thoughts and it's fascinating to me to see how they think about such different things. I guess now I just miss her and the way we related to each other. As a mom, each of my kids is sooo different and thus the way we relate to each other is different. None is better than the other, they're all just so very, very different (still amazes me that these 3 kids came from the same parents). But I miss the way Catie and I related to each other b/c it was different than the way Iz and I do and the way Chip and I do... I also miss her giggle and her holding my ear. Lots of other things too, but tonight those are what I miss the most. Still hard to believe it's been 3 years...

Off to get things ready for the week -- counting the days till spring break!!

Normal

Today was a really great day! A really great, normal, summer day. Chip went to hang out w/ GaGa and Poppy and Iz and I met up w/ some friends and headed to a nearby waterpark. It's a great spot for kids w/ lots of stuff on the sprayground and slides just their size. I loved watching the look of sheer terror on her face as she flew down the slide, and then hearing her beg, "do it again Momma, do it again!" as soon as I pulled her up from the water. She is definitely going to be more of a thrill-seeker than her momma!!

This may sound strange, but there are still times when "normal life" stops me in my tracks. It does not feel "normal" to me yet. I've been a mom for nearly 7 years, but much of that time I haven't been a "normal" mom. Catie was sick for so much of her life and the "rules" we had to play by were so different from those of normal kids. There weren't lots of playdates w/ big groups, long days at the waterpark (she had a hard time w/ heat and most of the time couldn't have made it all day), we weren't able to attend church regularly, she didn't get to go to VBS. All that is OK! We made good w/ what we COULD do and I know she lived full and happy and well... And so, now, w/ Izzy and Chip as we join in on some playdates, spend a huge chunk of the day running through the sprayground and swooshing down waterslides, attending church more regularly, and getting ready for VBS next week... as we live. normal. life. I'm simply shocked and grateful at how wonderful it is. Perfect? Nope, never is... but pretty dad-blamed good!

If I let it, it could make me sad for the things Catie missed... but I also know that she was, at least I think she was, satisfied w/ the pace of our life and the day to day way we lived. I watch little girls who are the age she would be now and I am amazed at how grown she would be. Strangely, being around girls that age is usually a comfort to me... It's the events that get me and that's completely the opposite of how I thought it would be. I confess to being incredibly sad on the last day of school b/c she would have finished kindergarten and gotten her first real taste of summer break after a full year of schedules and routines... and there were tears when she missed what I know would have been her first spend the night party... I guess it's always going to be those "firsts" that get me.... all those "normal" things she would have done. Thankfully they don't come as often as they did that first year.

So, this weekend we will honor her life and try to raise a little more money for research so that kids like her get the chance to try on "normal" life...



Oh sweet girl, I miss ya tonight. You would have loved standing at the bottom of the slide and watching Iz's face as she flew down and you would have cracked up at you brother tasting his peas tonight. I do wonder where you would fit in the mix if you were here... would you be Queen Bee, keeping tabs on everybody (it's a big job w/ that sister of yours) or would you kind of be off doing your own thing and letting the little ones be? I tend to think you'd want to be in charge, but who knows... I DO know that you are now filled w/ far more joy than any of us can even begin to imagine.

Dad and Iz are off on the golf cart making a trash run. I'm hoping they bring a few blueberries back. Izzy loves them as much as you did... she's starting to ask about you from time to time. I like that. It's hard for her to understand where you are though. That will come with time and I'm grateful for the chance to tell her Catie stories. I think I'm going to go relax and curl up w/ the new book I'm reading. Love you sweet girl... Eskimo, butterfly, Daddy, and NikNik kisses to you.

Conversations

This morning at breakfast, Izzy was eating the first blueberries and blackberries from our yard this year when out of the blue, she looked at me and asked, "Momma, Catie like blueberries?" It's the first time she's ever asked me about something Catie liked or didn't like. I told her that yes, Catie liked blueberries (and strawberries) a lot, kind of like she did. Then she pointed to her bowl of cereal, "Catie like cereal, Momma?" And I told her that yes, Catie liked cereal, but she liked it dry in a cup, not w/ milk in a bowl like she did. She seemed satisfied, and I appreciated that she had asked, so we went on with our morning. A little later, as we were riding in the car, she said, "Momma, I want to go to Catie's house." In my mind, I was thinking, "me too baby, me too." But, out loud I said, "Well, Iz, who does Catie live with?" "Jesus." "And where does Catie live?" "In Heaven." So I told her about how Heaven is way up high in the sky above the clouds and that loving Jesus means we go to live there when we die. I told her that Catie was little when she died, so she's gone there before us. And I told her that we would go to see her sister later when it was our time to go to Heaven. Again she said, "I wanna go to Catie's house." So we talked a bit more... Time and space and living and dying are hard enough to understand when you're grown, much less when you are two. But I confess to loving that she's opening the door for conversations about Catie and about Heaven.

I worry that she will be scared of dying b/c Catie died young. Today was the first time I've used the word "die" with her and a couple of weeks ago I used the word "cancer" w/ her for the first time(the child life folks say to be sure to call diseases by their real names and to not say, "Catie was sick and she died" b/c then they'll be scared the next time they get sick.) I wish she didn't have to know that kids could die. I pray that God will give Tre' and I wisdom to guide her (and Chip) in all things, esp. important stuff like we talked about today. I sure do wish I could see in her mind to see how she's making sense of things.

I Need to Buy a Book....

and it's called The Strong-willed Child. Oh Ms. Izzy... She is truly, one of the most tender-hearted and empathetic kids I've ever met... esp. at such a young age. But boy oh boy... if she tests us once in a day, she tests us about 472 times. Her current favorite phrase is "Izzy do it!" She truly has me puzzled on exactly how I'm going teach her without breaking her spirit. Sometimes she tests us by not doing what we've told her to do, sometimes it's by doing something she knows she's not supposed to do, sometimes it's when she's in time out and it's lifting her hiney off the chair just a bit when it's supposed to stay flat on the seat, sometimes she does it when given 2 choices and she chooses a completely different one. I believe that consistency is the key, but there are times that consistency can be really exhausting. I also believe that this time is so key in laying the groundwork for the rest of her life. Learning now that "no means no" and that when Tre' or I draw a line that isn't to be crossed we mean it are vital. Learning those things now, I think (and hope and pray) will make for a smoother road through those tenuous teenage years. Here's hoping Tre' and I can be consistent each and every day and that we are making the right decisions in training her up in the way she should go.

It's so interesting to me that her strong will is balanced with the tenderest of hearts for other people. She is a people person in the truest sense and that has been obvious since she was very young. We don't go shopping or anywhere in public that I don't meet someone b/c of her greeting to each person she passes. It cracks me up when I'm pushing her through the grocery store and she passes the guy behind the meat counter and hollers, "How ya doin'?" She is very aware of how others feel and is quick to check on them. If someone is sad, she will walk over to them, place her hand on their shoulder, and ask them, "kay?" for "are you okay?" I am so proud of her for the tender, caring spirit I see growing in her and it does give me comfort as we work to help her grow into a young lady who knows how to listen to her mom and dad.

It's amazing how your children can each be so different and how they each give you different challenges as you work to raise them. I do believe that God created Tre' and I to be the parents of Catie, Izzy, and Chip... and I believe He has uniquely equipped us with just the things we need to do it well. Sometimes it just comes easier than others.

It's Crazy, But It's Oh So Good

So there really aren't many dull moments in our house right now... On occasion in the last few weeks the kiddos have conspired against us at night to keep us from sleeping... There are diaper blowouts (I swear this boy poops more than any I've ever seen), potty accidents from our potty learner, outfit changes from the previously mentioned and from good doses of spit up... that all contributes to the laundry pile... there are dishes to wash, bathrooms to clean... you know the drill... It's busy w/ little ones in the house and it can, on occasion (hahaha) be a bit tiring... BUT... it's oh so good...

Today I ventured to the store for the first time w/ both kiddos in tow. We actually did very well and hit both Target and the grocery store. Forgot a couple of things, but all in all it was good. After Target, we were sitting in the van. I was feeding Chip, Iz was sitting in the seat next to me sucking on the lollipop (I rarely ever bribe, but confess to doing so today to help assure a smooth first shopping trip with both) and bebopping to the music on the radio. I just wanted to hit the pause button... to stay right there in the moment for a bit. To let them stay this small for a while longer. It is so busy, but I do love being a mom to these kiddos and the only thing that could have improved the moment in the van in the Target parking lot would have been if Catie had been doing her thing with us. I happened to actually pause and pay attention to the song Iz was swaying to and it was a country song... "You're Gonna Miss This." "You're gonna miss this. You're gonna want this back, you're gona wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times, so take a good look around. You may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this." I do know it and plan on trying to remind myself in the middle of the night and during those 2 year old tantrums that pop up at our house more often than I'd like. I will miss this... challenging days and all.

A Sleeping Girl

I love to watch children as they sleep. I have pictures of both girls sacked out in various positions. One night I'm going to wake up every hour and take a picture of Izzy b/c she changes positions so much as she sleeps. She definitely sleeps with abandon.

Last night, I was reading an update on a friend of ours who has been battling cancer for far too long... He's such a trooper and a comment he made to his dad just struck me. It made me laugh and broke my heart all at the same time and it made me think of Catie.. It made me think of Catie and all that kids with cancer have to endure and how their normal is so NOT normal... Most of the time, I can be ok with the fact that that was Catie's life. But last night it made me sad. So I walked into Izzy's room where she was sprawled out on her back sound asleep. I have been known in a moment like that to pick her up and carry her to the couch and snuggle her close. She's a pretty sound sleeper at night, so I can usually get by with that. But last night, I just laid down next to her and stroked that beautiful golden blonde hair and I prayed. "Dear God... Thank you for this beautiful child you have blessed us with... thank you for the innocence that she has. Thank you that a blood pressure cuff wigs her out a bit, even if it's on my arm. Thank you that she cries when her finger is pricked b/c it hurts and it's not routine for her. Thank you that her normal is normal (except maybe for her mom and dad :) )... And please God.... please, please let it always be this way. Protect her from the the things Catie had to know about.... Protect her and protect Chip...."

The Joys (hahaha) of Potty Training

We are officially in the throes of potty training! At Mrs. Amber's house, Izzy really does a great job!! She'll have an accident here or there, but she totally gets that when you sit on the pot your supposed to tinkle or poop. She's done both willingly over the last couple of weeks. She's not telling us she has to go, but we're putting her on the commode every 20-30 minutes. There have been several days where I pick her up and she's wearing the same clothes I dropped her off in. I called to check on her on the first day of potty training and Amber said she was doing great! She had only had one accident and when she did, she took off running to the restroom going, "go, go, go, go, go!!" Too funny and it let me know that she really is ready.

She's not so eager about using the potty at home. She'll do it, but she's less likely to do it at home than at Amber's house. One day last week Iz was playing in the kitchen while I was browning hamburger meat. We had just tried to go potty. All of a sudden she started yelling, "tee tee, tee tee." Sure enough, beneath her was a big puddle. I stripped her down and threw a towel over the puddle. Then I gave a quick stir to the hamburger meat and went to sit her on the toilet. In that short amount of time, she'd run and found a corner in her room and started to... yep, you guessed it... POOP!!!!! AAGGHH!!!!! I need to take some lessons from Mrs. Amber, the potty training queen!!! :)

We haven't fallen off the planet!

Though you might think we have as it's been nearly a MONTH since I've written anything!!!!! Chalk it up to trying to remember how to work and get everything done at home too. If I were really honest though, I could blame it ALL on the 5:45 AM wake up call!!!! Have I ever said I'm not a morning person? I'm here to tell you, I'm REALLY not a morning person!

Iz continues to do great at the sitter's. We're talking about tackling potty training soon. She's pointing to the potty and saying "potty words." She likes to give it a try before she gets in the tub and she's started letting me know when she has a stinky diaper. We figure we'll go ahead and give it a go. Should be interesting!!

Went to the GA game (go DAWGS!!) and the beach this weekend and think we're all thoroughly beat! But we sure had a good time. I got some good pics of Izzy that I'll try to get up by the weekend (so long as Hannah doesn't blow our electricity out!).

Hope you're well!

A Little Too Brave for Her Britches

Monday morning started off with a bang at our house. A certain little girl woke up on the wrong side of the bed and NOTHING would make her happy. I tried everything I knew to do to diffuse the oncoming tantrum -- holding her, singing (scary sound, I know), distracting her, ignoring the fit.... nothing was fixing what was ailing her. I finally decided to just put Iz in her crib to give her some time out and hoped she would chill with no audience to watch the drama. She continued to cry (throw down is more like it) and then I heard a THUMP! She never broke her rhythm crying, but I knew there was nothing in her crib but a blanket and blankets don't make thumping sounds when they're chunked out of cribs... Blankets might not, but little girls do! I walked into her room and she was toddling toward me still bawling (I'd have been bawling by then too!). She had climbed out of her bed and hit her head on a nearby chair. She grew a goose egg on her noggin quite quickly and managed to see how fast her momma's heart could race with worry. So... I'm thinking the crib is getting packed up and sent to the attic!!

Of course we had pictures scheduled for that afternoon!! Quickly rescheduled those, but definitely took pictures of my own so that when her little spitfire does the same thing one day I have proof that it's in the genes! I was sure we were going to see every color of the rainbow around her eye, but little ones heal so quickly! You can still tell she bumped it, but it's not nearly as bad as we thought it would be.






Day 1


Day 2 -- Notice the blue sand on her unbruised eye -- I think she was trying to make them match! We went straight to the bath after this, she had brought half of outside inside with her.


Day 3



It hasn't slowed her down one bit! She's as busy as ever and keeps us laughing most of the day!

Izzy B

Sometimes I write here because it's helps to write down my thoughts. Sometimes I write because it's a place to record things that are going on so I don't forget them before we grow old.

Izzy is growing so quickly. I know it seems like I write that all the time, but I continue to be amazed at this age. I had forgotten what little sponges they are. She is so on the move -- constant motion. She's getting so tall - I looked at her lying in her crib yesterday and couldn't believe how much of it she fills up. She continues to LOVE being outside. She loves the sandbox, the sprinkler, bugs, dirt, little pieces of pine straw or leaves or rocks. She likes flowers and is so cute when she smells them. She loves to play with Joey and he is so good with her.

Iz had become a nap fighter -- she can flat wear me out trying to get her down for nap, even if she is completely exhausted. She is very determined and knows what she wants. The fine line of taming the will without breaking the spirit is the line we're walking around here these days. She has such a strong spirit and I love that... it's just those tantrums when things don't go her way that I don't like so much. I feel like this age is so critical for later years... Kids learn about boundaries and if you stick to what you say... If you draw a line in the sand and they stick their big toe over it will the same thing happen every time? I pray that we have wisdom in our parenting and that God continues to mold us into just the parents that Izzy needs.

Izzy is quite the social butterfly. I meet very few strangers when we're out and about these days. She could so be the wal-mart greeter these days. She waves to everyone and thinks they're all supposed to say, "hello" and speak to her. It really is quite an adventure to run to the grocery store some days. I love that she is so outgoing and friendly... might have to do a bit of learning about stranger danger though! :)

One of my favorite nights this week was when Izzy discovered on of Catie's Christmas presents from her last Christmas. You need a little background here... Catie and her daddy used to have "wars" w/ the bumpers off of the fireplace (you know, the rubbery things that you put on so kids don't split their head wide open if they bump their head on it)... They would each get one and go at it, both of them laughing hysterically the whole time. This was one of those times that Catie's laugh just came from her belly and just bubbled up out of her... I can still hear her now and see her face... Well, for Christmas, Santa brought them 2 fake, foamy/rubber swords... This what Izzy discovered Thursday night. She didn't know what they were for, but never fear... Daddy taught her. She laughed -- from her belly too -- when Tre' would poke her in the ribs with it. Then she wanted him to do it more and more... so sweet... It wasn't long before she figured out she could get him with it. The swords are almost as tall as she is, and she hasn't developed much finesse with them yet, but it was so good to see she and Tre's duking it out... When she learns something new that Catie loved, it helps... it brings another layer back to our life. It doesn't make the loss or the hurt go away, but it sure fills us up some more. So thankful for a laughing girl (and a laughing daddy) and 2 rubber swords...

Early Morning Ramblings

Ahhhhh yes.... the lovely hours in the wee morning that are such a wonderful playtime for a 7 month old. We've tried the cry it out method for the last 3 nights.... and I quit. It works amazingly for some folks, but I'm wimpy when it comes to crying, she's (apparently) incredibly stubborn, and noone's sleeping. So... on to what works for us... when we figure that out at least.

I have figured out that I will always parent a little differently because of Catie. There were very few times with her that I had to play the really, really tough guy when it came to behavior. Tough guy to help her through treatment, yes, but with discipline, she was, for the most part, very compliant. Sure she had her share of time outs and she disobeyed from time to time and she was a regular kid, but she was largely easy to parent... except for that one fit throwing period she went through when she was 2 1/2 or so. Holy cow, that girl had a serious set of lungs and she could throw down and scream. Interesting thing though, she rarely did it in public (except for this one time at Stone Mtn. You should have seen the looks I got pushing a bald cancer kid in a stroller out of the park after the Laser Show -- she wanted to be carried and was ENTIRELY too heavy to be carried that far and was old enough to understand). But, for the most part she saved the good stuff for home. The thing that worked for us with this was putting her on our bed and leaving the room. She would scream and scream and I would be in the other room (let's be honest, sometimes I was crying too). I wanted nothing more than to pick her up and love her. But I knew that it was my job to help her learn that wasn't the way to get what she wanted. I would check on her every 5 minutes or so and remind her that as soon as she calmed down, she could get up. She would be doing the whole body-shaking sob thing because she had gotten herself so worked up. When I checked on her I would rub her back or her bald head, but I wouldn't pick her up until she calmed down. Towards the end of the phase, I could ask her, "are you ready?" and she would give me this frowny look and an emphatic "NO!" But it really wasn't long before she got control of it and the fits were a thing of the past (big sigh of relief!).

I was thinking about that tonight as I rocked Izzy... I hate thinking about times like that with Catie, because if I had known what was going to happen I know I would have just held her. I know that wouldn't have been what was best for her, and even now, looking back, I think we handled it in the way that was best for us. I'm a firm believer that kids need consistent limits and that's what we were doing. But as I rocked Izzy tonight and she finally gave in to a little snuggling (she refuses to snuggle these days as it might lead to missing out on something or, Heaven forbid, sleep) I thought about that time with Catie. It's honestly not a time I feel guilty about, but I still don't like thinking about it. And I decided that, yes, that day for crying it out might come with Izzy, in fact, I'm fairly certain that it will. But... for me, for us at least, it's not now. I can rock and sing (and be completely tired and bleary-eyed the next day)... and I will do it guilt-free because I can... However... no more bottles between midnight and 6 AM -- and I'm sticking firmly to that!! Hey, she's got to learn, right? =)

So tonight, as I listen to Izzy's white noise playing in the other room, I will crawl back in bed, and I will be thankful for the bit of snuggling I got tonight. I will think of Catie and try to make note of a few of the many things she taught us. I will miss her. And I will ask God again, to make us the parents that Izzy needs, just as I know He made us the parents Catie needed. I will ask to be molded into the person she needs and I will hope to trust my instincts... when it comes to our kiddos, they're usually right. That's another thing Catie taught me... I almost always knew what she needed... and I pray it will be that way with Izzy too.

Everyone else's is in dreamland. I'm headed that way too, hopefully till the sun comes up!