Spring Break

Aaahhhh... I love spring break! We've been busy, but we've been busy on our own terms. And that does not include a 5:30 AM wake up call! Thankfully the kids somehow got that message too and have been sleeping in till at least 7:00 every day (I'm sure I just jinxed myself for tomorrow though).

We've been busy decoating Izzy's room -- we've painted it green (very green), and tomorrow we'll be adding the finishing touches w/ lots of pink, green, and yellow and lots of ribbon. If we can just get the chair rail painted, cut, and hung before the weekend, we'll be set! I can't wait to see the finished product. The only problem is this has totally given me the redecorating bug and I'm already ready to tackle Chip's room next! His room has had classic Pooh in it for nearly 8 years -- could be time for a change! :) It really is amazing what a little paint can do for a room!!

Both kids had well visits today and both are doing well. Chip seems to have some allergy issues as his runny, goopy eyes do not like the pollen! Both kids are off the chart or nearly off for height and weight. They definitely got Tre's height, not mine. Both kids also had to get their finger stuck today. Oh the tears -- esp. from Izzy. Only Chip had to get shots and Izzy cried for him then. She absolutely cannot stand for someone to be hurt or upset (unless of course the 2 of them are after the same toy!). She was very worried for him today when he had to get shots though. My sweet girl...

Here's another favorite Izzy story --

This morning she wanted to build a track for the train and Chip was right in the thick of it and they were both hollering. I told Iz that she could share or put it up and wait until Chip took a nap to play with it. "Ok momma!" she said. There was no change in the hollering and Izzy wasn't making a move, so I said, "Iz, what's your choice?" "You can go ahead and put Chipper down for a nap, Momma." :) Gotta love it!!

It's Been a While...

A long while in fact! And I guess there are lots of reasons for that. 2 kiddos underfoot, taking a class, and teaching full time are probably the big things to blame for why I haven't written in so long. I do miss writing -- it really is just hard to find the time (to do the laundry, much less write!!).

And I guess, if I'm totally honest, there are other reasons too. It's been a tough year for a lot of families that we know. Folks we went through treatment with and very close family members have had some really tough stuff to face this year. The Morgans lost Ryan and Missy, the Maxeys lost a 2nd daughter to cancer, others we know and went through treatment with have relapsed at 5 years out... In some ways, it's been hard to come here and tell funny stories about Izzy and Chip when I know so many others have been hurting. I know, because of Catie (and these others listed here), to cling to these amazing times with our kids, but I just couldn't write about it.

Most recently, tragedy hit much to close to home. My sister and her husband, known to most folks here as Aunt Nik Nik and Uncle D, learned in mid September that the baby boy she was carrying, Aiden John, had Trisomy 18. She was due in early February, but he was stillborn early Christmas morning. I still reel to write that or say it out loud... Christmas morning. My initial reaction was anger... anger because I didn't want that day to have to be Christmas day for them and anger because I didn't, and don't, want them to know that hurt that they now know all too well. It shouldn't have happened again. And as I thought more, though I still worry for them and Christmas Day, I was reminded that because of Christmas day, because of the birth of another Baby Boy, both Aunt Nik's and our family will one day be whole again...

I just hurt for them... because I never wanted them to have to know this hurt... and because I know we can't fix it for them...

In spite of it all, there was laughter and joy this weekend, mixed in with the sorrow and tears... Sometimes life is messy and hard, but it is the life we've been given and I will continue to try to do what I learned from Catie -- live full and keep laughing. I don't do it nearly as well as she did, but I'm working on it.

I've thought a lot about Heaven this weekend. I imagined Catie peeking through the gates as sweet Baby Aiden was welcomed into the arms of Jesus. And then I totally imagine her carrying him everywhere. That girl loved babies... loved them I tell you!

We've kind of let Iz guide us this weekend to let us know what she needed to know. At one point during the service this morning, she looked at me and said, "Momma, Baby Aiden not get to grow up?" Oh sweet baby, how I wish my answer could be different for you...

So... I promise to try my very best to get some new pictures up soon!! Chip is ginormous and Iz is starting to look (and act) so grown up!! I hope you and yours had a wondrous holiday season full of the wonder and magic and the promise of the eternal that is Christmas!!

Now, I'm off to try to find homes for all these toys!!

BTW, if you'd like to drop in on Nik and D, their blog is www.theoddkouple.com .

Normal

Today was a really great day! A really great, normal, summer day. Chip went to hang out w/ GaGa and Poppy and Iz and I met up w/ some friends and headed to a nearby waterpark. It's a great spot for kids w/ lots of stuff on the sprayground and slides just their size. I loved watching the look of sheer terror on her face as she flew down the slide, and then hearing her beg, "do it again Momma, do it again!" as soon as I pulled her up from the water. She is definitely going to be more of a thrill-seeker than her momma!!

This may sound strange, but there are still times when "normal life" stops me in my tracks. It does not feel "normal" to me yet. I've been a mom for nearly 7 years, but much of that time I haven't been a "normal" mom. Catie was sick for so much of her life and the "rules" we had to play by were so different from those of normal kids. There weren't lots of playdates w/ big groups, long days at the waterpark (she had a hard time w/ heat and most of the time couldn't have made it all day), we weren't able to attend church regularly, she didn't get to go to VBS. All that is OK! We made good w/ what we COULD do and I know she lived full and happy and well... And so, now, w/ Izzy and Chip as we join in on some playdates, spend a huge chunk of the day running through the sprayground and swooshing down waterslides, attending church more regularly, and getting ready for VBS next week... as we live. normal. life. I'm simply shocked and grateful at how wonderful it is. Perfect? Nope, never is... but pretty dad-blamed good!

If I let it, it could make me sad for the things Catie missed... but I also know that she was, at least I think she was, satisfied w/ the pace of our life and the day to day way we lived. I watch little girls who are the age she would be now and I am amazed at how grown she would be. Strangely, being around girls that age is usually a comfort to me... It's the events that get me and that's completely the opposite of how I thought it would be. I confess to being incredibly sad on the last day of school b/c she would have finished kindergarten and gotten her first real taste of summer break after a full year of schedules and routines... and there were tears when she missed what I know would have been her first spend the night party... I guess it's always going to be those "firsts" that get me.... all those "normal" things she would have done. Thankfully they don't come as often as they did that first year.

So, this weekend we will honor her life and try to raise a little more money for research so that kids like her get the chance to try on "normal" life...



Oh sweet girl, I miss ya tonight. You would have loved standing at the bottom of the slide and watching Iz's face as she flew down and you would have cracked up at you brother tasting his peas tonight. I do wonder where you would fit in the mix if you were here... would you be Queen Bee, keeping tabs on everybody (it's a big job w/ that sister of yours) or would you kind of be off doing your own thing and letting the little ones be? I tend to think you'd want to be in charge, but who knows... I DO know that you are now filled w/ far more joy than any of us can even begin to imagine.

Dad and Iz are off on the golf cart making a trash run. I'm hoping they bring a few blueberries back. Izzy loves them as much as you did... she's starting to ask about you from time to time. I like that. It's hard for her to understand where you are though. That will come with time and I'm grateful for the chance to tell her Catie stories. I think I'm going to go relax and curl up w/ the new book I'm reading. Love you sweet girl... Eskimo, butterfly, Daddy, and NikNik kisses to you.

Living Gratefully

In college, my roommate and I had a book called 10,000 Things to be Happy About. It was a smallish, but chunky book that simply listed things that the author was grateful for... things that made her happy. For a while, Alice and I would take turns reading through the book and highlighting the things that made us happy as well... Then we started our own "Happy Journal." I still have it and on occasion (though it's been far, far, far too long) whoever has it will pull it out, write in it and then mail it to the other one. I don't think that I've written in it since Catie died, not because I'm not grateful, but b/c sometimes I think some of the things I'm thankful for might sound strange once I write them down... For instance, how can you be happy about a melancholy evening b/c it makes you feel closer to the daughter you've lost?

But the other night I walked out of CVS w/ Chip snuggled against me (there's something for the pages of our book) and the mugginess of the air hit me... it was the first breath of a hot summer night I've felt this year... and honestly, the first time I really remember noticing it since she died. I know I've felt it, but I haven't noticed it. That muggy breath of air took me back to bike-riding down a hill like I did many a night in the neighborhood I grew up in... and playing kick the can at my Granny's house w/ the other kids in the neighborhood... nights at the ballpark...

It's strange how I'm suddenly able to notice more things in recent months... things that I've experienced in the last 2 years, but have somehow missed. I still miss Catie, in fact, I've really missed her even more the last couple of weeks... but somehow, some of the fog seems to be lifting a bit. A fog that I don't even know that I knew was there.

I think I might have to take to writing in that old journal again, even if some of the things I write seem a little odd.

What a Great Weekend!

This weekend was absolutely gorgeous!! Our original plan was a great visit w/ my college roommate and her family. But the ickies invaded at her house, so we had to postpone until next month. We were really disappointed, but now we have something to look forward to in May. :)

It turned out to be such a nice weekend. It wasn't perfect (there were meltdowns and Chip hasn't been 100%... it was NORMAL), but it was as close to perfect as you can get. And I loved it too b/c it was peppered w/ Catie moments throughout. Saturday found Iz and I in the yard as Tre' and Chip napped. We watered the new plants in Catie's garden and spent time swinging. That girl LOVES to be outside!!! :) Yesterday afternoon there was a sidewalk chalk arts festival downtown. We headed down there and met some good friends. We checked out the AMAZING drawings on the sidewalk, hit the playground, ordered pizza from a great little joint downtown, and then crashed on the lawn (well.. the adults were getting tired, but the kids were still fully charged!)for an outdoor showing of Finding Nemo. Anyone who's followed us since Catie, knows that she LOVED that movie. We have so many lines from it that we would always say with her that we just love ("You guys made me ink!" and "He touched the butt." and so many more!)... and "just keep swimming, just keep swimming" kind of became our motto w/ all we went through w/ Catie. Neither Tre' nor I had watched the whole movie since Catie died -- I had watched bits and pieces. We didn't make it through the whole movie (Iz was worn out, so we left about halfway through), but I think we did pretty good last night! Iz had a blast and Chip was his usual laid back self (I hope I didn't just jinx myself by typing that!!). It was so great to pal around w/ friends and just have a good time. We also ran into someone who had followed our blog for a long time and told us she had prayed so hard for us... That was pretty neat and meant a lot to Tre' and I that she took the time to stop and say, "hi."

I remember BEFORE... before all this how I loved it when the weather started turning gorgeous like this... It just felt like it could pick you up and carry you along to wonderful places... The year Catie died, I don't even remember spring... nothing about it at all. I remember thinking that I guessed that would just be how it was now... I would never get that pick me up feeling from spring or the first brisk fall night or from blaring music while riding down the road w/ the windows down. I just kind of figured that was gone w/ Catie... that carefree feeling was one of those things that I wouldn't be able to get back. This weekend, though, I tasted it a bit. And it felt. so. good. It doesn't change our longing for Catie... that will NEVER go away, but it's nice to soar a bit on the wings of a beautiful day.

The other thing that was nice about this weekend was the "Catie moments" sprinkled throughout. I've already shared a couple, and it really seems like there were a lot this weekend... However, I will share w/ you the funniest one. The funniest, by far, was tonight when Iz and I were riding the golf cart. Catie LOVED frogs. We still have her "frog stick" (used to nudge the frogs to jump) on our front porch, she ended up calling one of Tre's aunts Aunt Frog and the name still sticks. We have tons of tree frogs around here and they always remind us of Catie. Several have somehow gotten in our house or car since she died, and they love to get on the underside of the doorknob so you get a nice slime when you open it. We had TONS of frog encounters that first spring after she died. They still come, though they are not quite as frequent as then. I kind of think (though I could totally be wrong) that it's kind of God's way of letting Catie send us a hello or an "i'm ok..." Frog and butterfly sightings (esp. when they show up in unusual places or at unusual times) always make us think of Catie. I could so be completely wrong, but it's just funny how they pop up when we need a pick me up. So ANYWAY... Iz and I had run to our neighbors on the golf cart. We were coming back when I saw something small coming towards us through the air. And then THERE. WAS. SOMETHING. SLIMY. ON. MY. FACE!!!!!!! I'm trying not to drive in the ditch while trying to peel whatever in the heck is sliming my face off and then it's gone and I look at Izzy's shoe (and her face -- hahaha) and on her croc is the little green tree frog that totally just landed on my nose. Izzy laughed and laughed and laughed!!!!!!! Good gosh.... I love moments like those. And I love that even though I may be totally wrong about God letting Catie send us a hello, it still makes me feel closer to her.

There were times this weekend that my heart would squeeze and I would think, "Oh I wish Catie were here too." or "Oh this would have been completely perfect if I heard her little giggle mixed w/ Izzy's." But, I guess one of the things I realized this weekend is that a really good day is full of those bittersweet moments that make me miss Catie. That makes my day fuller and makes her feel closer. And, sure, sometimes it makes me sad, but other times... other times I just love her even though she's not here. And, that... is just fine w/ me.

Izzy and Her "Buddy"

He's starting to chub up a bit. :)

Chip was a little gassy and Iz got so tickled.


I love this one.

Atlanta

We went to Atlanta this weekend. We were hoping to leave on Friday, but had to wait and leave later b/c Iz and Tre' were sick. They both are on antibiotics and feeling much better. We missed out on seeing Grandpa Mike Mike and Granny Liz b/c we had to leave later and we hated that. We'll get back up soon though. We were able to go to the circus at Philips Arena. Iz loved it. She was really tired that afternoon, and as you can see, fell asleep before it was over (how she and Chip could sleep through all that noise, I have NO idea!!). Even though she dozed, she loved the show. This evening she was on the phone w/ GaGa and was telling her about the elephants, horses, little horses, tigers, clowns, etc. It's so funny to listen to her tell a story. :) She really did have a big time and I think us grown ups enjoyed it as well! Thanks Dennis for getting the tickets!!

We were also in town to have Izzy scanned. She's doing just fine, Dr. Claire just recommended that we scan once a year until she's 5. The scan was perfectly normal. :) WOOHOO!!! Even though we weren't seeing anything concerning, it is always nice to get confirmation. We saw Dr. Claire and had a nice visit with her. It was so nice to see her and we ran into some other folks as well. As we were leaving and heading to the parking deck, we also ran into Dr. Hudgins (Catie's neurosurgeon). We hadn't seen him since the day Catie died when he came to say goodbye, so that was a nice surprise.

Iz had a rough morning as she turns out to be a really tough stick (took 6 tries). She cried and kept telling them no, but she didn't fight them. Tre' and I were really proud of how well she did.

Being away from all of the medical stuff for so long, it was odd to be back. It was only for a day, but I saw everything in such a different light. When Catie was sick, it was what we did. It was our life. There was no choice. We took it , ran with it, and just made the best of it. We lived well and lived full and didn't spend a lot of time focusing on all the "stuff" that had to be done to manage her illness. I didn't do a lot of thinking about how it must have felt to be her. Sometimes I wish I'd given her a chance to talk about that more. As we went through the familiar routine yesterday, I was struck by how much kids with cancer and other chronic/serious illnesses must deal with each day. So many procedures and sticks and pokes and prods... It was all new to Izzy and that made me focus a bit more on just how much a child has to go through just for a simple MRI and a quick clinic visit. It really is amazing what must be endured to fight cancer.

Thankfully, all was well, and today all is back to normal for Ms. Izzy. Normal for her usually starts out something like in the picture at the top of the page. There's her crazy morning hair. :) Still as we enjoy what is now our normal, we think of those whose normal is what we did yesterday...

(The other pics are of Chip and then Izzy w/ Dr. Claire, both kids passed out before the circus ended, Izzy goofing off at the circus, and her first taste of cotton candy

It's Crazy, But It's Oh So Good

So there really aren't many dull moments in our house right now... On occasion in the last few weeks the kiddos have conspired against us at night to keep us from sleeping... There are diaper blowouts (I swear this boy poops more than any I've ever seen), potty accidents from our potty learner, outfit changes from the previously mentioned and from good doses of spit up... that all contributes to the laundry pile... there are dishes to wash, bathrooms to clean... you know the drill... It's busy w/ little ones in the house and it can, on occasion (hahaha) be a bit tiring... BUT... it's oh so good...

Today I ventured to the store for the first time w/ both kiddos in tow. We actually did very well and hit both Target and the grocery store. Forgot a couple of things, but all in all it was good. After Target, we were sitting in the van. I was feeding Chip, Iz was sitting in the seat next to me sucking on the lollipop (I rarely ever bribe, but confess to doing so today to help assure a smooth first shopping trip with both) and bebopping to the music on the radio. I just wanted to hit the pause button... to stay right there in the moment for a bit. To let them stay this small for a while longer. It is so busy, but I do love being a mom to these kiddos and the only thing that could have improved the moment in the van in the Target parking lot would have been if Catie had been doing her thing with us. I happened to actually pause and pay attention to the song Iz was swaying to and it was a country song... "You're Gonna Miss This." "You're gonna miss this. You're gonna want this back, you're gona wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times, so take a good look around. You may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this." I do know it and plan on trying to remind myself in the middle of the night and during those 2 year old tantrums that pop up at our house more often than I'd like. I will miss this... challenging days and all.

Ok... Iz Takes After Me a little

These pics are all of me (can't you tell by the 70's clothes???). The last one reminds me of Catie but she looks so much like Tre' when he was little. I'll have to drum up some of those to upload. So many of these remind me of Izzy.

Some Smiles from the Last 2 Weeks

Sooo... There have officially been 4 in our house for 2 weeks now. We're loving it and it's so much fun watching Izzy with Chip. I know there will be plenty of sibling arguments in the years to come, but she already loves her little brother. She looks for him first thing every morning and will not go down at night w/o a kiss and some love for him. She has been very patient, for the most part, w/ all the time-consuming things that come w/ new babies. She's taken great interest in her babies and practices diaper changing and feeding them regularly. She wants to help w/ all we do w/ Chip too -- this is particularly interesting when I'm nursing. I pretty much end up w/ 2 kiddos in my lap. :) So long as she doesn't squish him, we're good to go.

The best laugh of our time together since Chip has been here had to take place last week. I was changing Chip and Iz was squooched right up against me "helping." He let go some gas that had more to it than just air and lo and behold, he had POOPED on Izzy's hand. She looked at me w/ this completely astounded look and I just died laughing. After about 2 seconds, she too was rolling. Oh my goodness, how we laughed. She has thoroughly enjoyed telling everyone that Chip pooped on her hand. Must admit he missed me that time, but my goodness, little boys pee a lot more often than little girls when de-diapered and it goes a heck of a lot farther!!!!!

Unbelievable -- I got all of this typed and both kids are still snoozing!!! We're going to master juggling 2 after all. Famous last words..... :)

Loss and New Life

How strange to sit here looking at this beautiful 4.5 day old little boy and think of what we were doing exactly 2 years ago. Tonight as we snuggle and love on and get to know this precious baby boy, we know that 2 years ago we were snuggling on, loving on, and saying goodbye to Catie. In some ways we wonder how 2 years have passed already and in others we wonder how in the world it's been only 2 years. Time is a strange thing. Chip's arrival has definitely relieved the anticipation of tomorrow a bit. I don't think I'll ever be able to put words to all the emotions we feel in the month of January. What a wide range of feelings God made us humans capable of feeling.

So... we will continue to celebrate Catie, Izzy, and Chip... and we will continue to miss Catie... and life will continue to bustle forward. We will be grateful for the tremendous blessings in our life even as we continue to grieve our loss.

We are all adjusting well to being a household of 4. Izzy has handled things like a champ. My mom has been here, so Iz has been getting lots of extra love as we adjust to juggling 2 kiddos. Chip is a snuggler and we are loving it. We're definitely lacking some sleep, but that's ok. We'll update more later this week... We're just busy soaking up Chip, loving on Izzy, and processing all that comes with January.

Thanks for checking in!!

More Pictures

Iz was a bit tired, so no smile from her, but here the 4 of us are.










The other baby in the pic is Jackson, our new nephew. The pic of Tre' on the couch w/ Chip also has his sister, Tasha (Jackson's mom), and baby Jackson in it. Jackson is 6 weeks older than Chip. :)

Some Christmas Pictures!