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Sunday, November 30, 2008

The Holidays

Thus far the holidays this year aren't quite as intimidating as they were last year. Last year, they flat out scared the mess out of me... How on earth were we supposed to do Christmas without Catie. I'm not sure if I just know that we survived last year, so we'll be ok, if we're making progress, if I'm in denial, or maybe just a little of all of the above. Thanksgiving this year was, for me, the least challenging holiday I've had since we lost her. Again... not sure if it was denial or if after being stuck in the house, on the couch trying to get this baby to cook a bit longer that I was just so glad to get out of the house that it didn't even matter. Who knows...

We haven't decorated yet, but we will this week. I have broken out the Christmas music. It's funny how some songs make me smile and some just smack me between the eyes and can start the tears. This year, as Christmas approaches there is this incredible excitement to see it through Izzy's eyes... I know she's old enough to understand a bit more this year... no she won't get it all, but she's already talking lots about HoHo and she loves seeing Christmas stuff that's already out. I can't wait to see what she thinks about having a tree and lights up in her house! Then there is the stuff that will trigger so many Catie memories... That's good and hard. I guess we just keep doing what we've done since we lost her... really since she was diagnosed.... keep rolling with the punches, cry when you need to, and keep moving forward... just keep swimming...

Sometimes it still just makes me crazy to know that our family will never be totally complete this side of Heaven. Someone will always, always be missing. And I still hate that Izzy and Chip got jipped out of knowing Catie... though I'm glad they don't have to deal with the grief of missing. But I'm also grateful that I'm not completely frightened by Christmas this year... and I really can't wait to watch Izzy learn to enjoy the magic of the season...

9 comments:

jandkland said...

You all got jipped with the incredibly wrong thing that happened to your family. No family should have to suffer such sickness and then such loss. And I'm sure that, even though your sweet little ones will not know the grief of having lost someone they knew, they will certainly one day face the grief of never knowing someone they are supposed to know.

I am so glad that you are able to find joy and to keep swimming. I'm sure you know that's the way Catie likes it and truly the only way to have an abundant life here before you're finally able to hold your extraordinary girl again. I am thinking of you all during this season especially! Every time Samantha giggles at her elf, I think of the picture of Catie with her own elf. Thanks for sharing some of her spirit in this new and wonderful tradition for our family!

Talley Images said...

Im glad that things are growing a bit easier now (although not better, I know).... Im so glad that Izzy is keeping you on your toes and that she will soon get to be a big sister!

Just wanted you to know that I pray for you guys daily and think of Catie often, even if I dont really "know" you.... you all have touched me very deeply and changed how I look at things and try not to take so much for granted.

I hope you have a wonderful December full of blessings

Dianna in Louisiana said...

Ooooh Jenny, I'm so, so sorry that you have to go through the pain of missing your Catie. I will be praying that the Lord grant you and Trey extra peace, comfort and joy this Christmas season.

Elle Rivers said...

I hear ya sister- know that all of us have so many memories of Catie and I feel confident that Iz and Chip will know their sister in their own special way. I am SO excited that the Elves are flying off the shelves! Amazing, simply amazing. Love ya much and hope that baby settles down for you

Elle

Liticia said...

I just saw a write-up in December's Atlanta Parent magazine about the Elves from Catie. You are doing something so good and continue to bless others with your testimony.

Kyle said...

I've been having trouble getting to Catie's CBpage. It loads and then disappears saying that the site isn't a valid site anymore? Is anyone having that problem?
Been thinking about you guys a lot lately. I bet Izzy is so excited to meet Chip! Hopefully he's behaving and planning to cook just a little longer :)

Anonymous said...

To the comment above (sorry, I can't remember your name) the caringbridge site is still working. This is where all the news is though right Jenni? I love to still go to her page occasionally though and see her beautiful face. I have been diligently spreading the word about the Catie elves. Actually, Santa asked me where we found ours (imagine that!). Of course I reminded him that HE sent her, but that you could also get them from hostanelf.com. He just sent one for Mrs. Claus. We are having so much fun with our elf.
Wendy in Winder, GA

Misty said...

just wanted to let you know that you are on my mind tonight thinking about Catie and the silly Elf

Kenzie said...

Jenny-

I just wanted to thank you so much for your sweet comment a few weeks back when I was feeling all crazy after Faith Clare coming home. I so appreciate you sharing your experience with bringing Izzy home after losing Catie. Although our situations aren't the same, those feelings that we have are ones that only mommies like us can truly understand. I am so excited for you and this new little one you'll be bringing home. God is so good and continues to help heal in incredible ways.

Merry Christmas and I'm so thankful that this one seems a little gentler.

Blessings,
Kenzie