Heaven

Before Catie died, I never thought a lot about Heaven. It's where I'm going when I die and that's about all I thought about it. I didn't give much consideration to what you do and what it's like. But with Catie there, it's definitely something I think about. I wish she could somehow send us a quarterly newsletter sharing the highlights of what she sees and does. As a Momma, it's hard not knowing what fills her life now. I don't know what Heaven will be like, but I know it will be so much better than anything I can even come close to fathoming... So, though I don't know what fills Catie's days (are there even days and nights in Heaven? time doesn't matter), I know that her heart is fuller and she is happier and more peaceful than I can even imagine. She is complete.

I do dream about what it will be like when I see her again. I always picture her with hair and still at the age of 4... and I picture her running... sometimes w/ her familiar wobble and sometimes not (is perfection being totally able-bodied or being accepted and loved by everyone you encounter for who you are, just the way you are?)... I always lift her and she fits her body into just the place she always fit and lays her head on my shoulder in the same place she always did. And I just hold her... and after a moment or two, her voice with that sweet southern accent begins to speak... and the words come out so quickly with her trying to share w/ me the things she's seen and known and done... And she laughs and she shares... And I just listen... and I soak it up... and I am grateful... grateful for a God who's plan was big enough to make a way for us to see her again... big enough to make a way to share her with us again....

I don't have any biblical back up for the specifics of my daydream... I don't know if we'll be in bodies or if it will just be our souls.... but however it is, I do believe that even as good as that daydream is, what will truly happen will be even better. I don't think our minds can comprehend the wholeness and completeness that is Heaven.

There is a song that Brad Paisley sings that I just love. I have it on my iPod and I confess to listening to it several times on some days. I know that when I get where I'm going, I will meet my Maker and I will lift Catie to my hip. There are no tears of sorrow in Heaven, but that day there may be tears of joy.

When I Get Where I'm Goin'

When I get where I'm going
on the far side of the sky.
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly.

I'm gonna land beside a lion,
and run my fingers through his mane.
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

(Chorus:)
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles,
I have carried all these years.
And I'll leave my heart wide open,
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Don't cry for me down here.

I'm gonna walk with my grandaddy,
and he'll match me step for step,
and I'll tell him how I missed him,
every minute since he left.
Then I'll hug his neck.

(Chorus)

So much pain and so much darkness,
in this world we stumble through.
All these questions, I can't answer,
so much work to do.

But when I get where I'm going,
and I see my Maker's face.
I'll stand forever in the light,
of His amazing grace.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
Hallelujah!
I will love and have no fear.
When I get where I'm going.
Yeah when I get where I'm going.