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Thursday, June 18, 2009


Today was a really great day! A really great, normal, summer day. Chip went to hang out w/ GaGa and Poppy and Iz and I met up w/ some friends and headed to a nearby waterpark. It's a great spot for kids w/ lots of stuff on the sprayground and slides just their size. I loved watching the look of sheer terror on her face as she flew down the slide, and then hearing her beg, "do it again Momma, do it again!" as soon as I pulled her up from the water. She is definitely going to be more of a thrill-seeker than her momma!!

This may sound strange, but there are still times when "normal life" stops me in my tracks. It does not feel "normal" to me yet. I've been a mom for nearly 7 years, but much of that time I haven't been a "normal" mom. Catie was sick for so much of her life and the "rules" we had to play by were so different from those of normal kids. There weren't lots of playdates w/ big groups, long days at the waterpark (she had a hard time w/ heat and most of the time couldn't have made it all day), we weren't able to attend church regularly, she didn't get to go to VBS. All that is OK! We made good w/ what we COULD do and I know she lived full and happy and well... And so, now, w/ Izzy and Chip as we join in on some playdates, spend a huge chunk of the day running through the sprayground and swooshing down waterslides, attending church more regularly, and getting ready for VBS next week... as we live. normal. life. I'm simply shocked and grateful at how wonderful it is. Perfect? Nope, never is... but pretty dad-blamed good!

If I let it, it could make me sad for the things Catie missed... but I also know that she was, at least I think she was, satisfied w/ the pace of our life and the day to day way we lived. I watch little girls who are the age she would be now and I am amazed at how grown she would be. Strangely, being around girls that age is usually a comfort to me... It's the events that get me and that's completely the opposite of how I thought it would be. I confess to being incredibly sad on the last day of school b/c she would have finished kindergarten and gotten her first real taste of summer break after a full year of schedules and routines... and there were tears when she missed what I know would have been her first spend the night party... I guess it's always going to be those "firsts" that get me.... all those "normal" things she would have done. Thankfully they don't come as often as they did that first year.

So, this weekend we will honor her life and try to raise a little more money for research so that kids like her get the chance to try on "normal" life...

Oh sweet girl, I miss ya tonight. You would have loved standing at the bottom of the slide and watching Iz's face as she flew down and you would have cracked up at you brother tasting his peas tonight. I do wonder where you would fit in the mix if you were here... would you be Queen Bee, keeping tabs on everybody (it's a big job w/ that sister of yours) or would you kind of be off doing your own thing and letting the little ones be? I tend to think you'd want to be in charge, but who knows... I DO know that you are now filled w/ far more joy than any of us can even begin to imagine.

Dad and Iz are off on the golf cart making a trash run. I'm hoping they bring a few blueberries back. Izzy loves them as much as you did... she's starting to ask about you from time to time. I like that. It's hard for her to understand where you are though. That will come with time and I'm grateful for the chance to tell her Catie stories. I think I'm going to go relax and curl up w/ the new book I'm reading. Love you sweet girl... Eskimo, butterfly, Daddy, and NikNik kisses to you.


Amanda: said...

What a sweet post! Sounds like you are having a great summer with Iz and Chip :)

Circus Mama said...

I'm so glad you are getting to see and experience some "normal" - and having so much fun with it. It's easy to believe Iz will be quite the little thrill seeker!!

Miss you girl!!

P.S. Funny how I managed to read this today, and so late at night . . .

ELaw said...

Normal is great huh? We had such a "normal" wonderful day. Just this afternoon we were commenting on how you never know what your kids will do in different situations. It is nice that you can enjoy new experiences as a mom and relish the ones you had (no matter how different) with Catie. Hope you are loving summer!

Julie Peck said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Julie Peck said...

Normal never goes back to the "same normal"....
Thank you for sharing! I appreciate your honesty and revealing the truth about going through a heart breaking time in your life... it always leaves you in another place appreciating what others take for granite.... not that "they" even know, nor would we ever want them to know. But when we return to their normal... we appreciate it even more!

Love your heart!

Julie Peck

Anonymous said...

So glad you had a great summer...I often think of Catie and pray for you when I do.
I'm glad that there are still so many little reminders that bring you a handful of blueberries from Izzy.

Shelly VanB