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Saturday, March 29, 2008

Absence

"Every minute of his life since then has been marked by her absence, every action has lacked dimension because she is not there to measure against. And when I was young I didn't understand, but now, I know, how absence can be present, like a damaged nerve, like a dark bird."
From The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

"I know how absence can be present...." That is a really good way to put it. Catie's absence, while I don't focus consciously on it every minute of the day, seems to be felt in most moments of the day. Even now... 14 months later. I don't know what I expected it to be like this far out from her death. I certainly didn't imagine it to magically be fine or that we would never think of her or that we would suddenly never miss her. But I don't think that I expected her absence to be so present.

4 comments:

John & Kelley said...

It's good to see posts from you. I loved the story about poor Izzy and her fear of the vacuum. I've been fortunate that my girls don't seem phased by ours.

This quotation about the presence of absence is eloquent and no doubt deeply meaningful to you. Thus far in my life, I've lost two dear family members--both had lived to be grandparents and one a great-grandparent. Even now, 15 years after my Granddaddy died of lung cancer, there are moments when I think of him and feel his absence so strongly. As a mother, I can't begin to grasp how tangible a child's absence must feel--one who fills our days with constant babble, songs, stories, and make-believe games. I am thinking of you and Tre' this evening, Jenny, and simply praying, "God, touch their hearts."

--Kelley

Kim said...

I can't imagine....I don't want to know how it feels 14 months later....ANY months later. I know you don't either.I can tell you that I still think of sweet Catie off and on. We finally had a Chick-fil-A open here in Moultrie a couple of weeks ago and yes, that did make me think of her......chicken bizkit with chicken in it and sweet tea. I guess you have daily reminders, don't ya? Lord, just looking at Izzy, is reminder enough!

Hopefully we are coming for Lauren's Run/CURE Picnic....if we get the apartment for Saturday night, would y'all like to stay with us there? I'll confirm with you by phone, just wanted you to think about it.

I miss you, Friend!
Love, Kim

Anonymous said...

Hey Jenny
I still check in to see how you all are doing. I want you to know that you and Tre' remain in my prayers daily. Every morning I think of Catie when Jo Jo's Circus comes on the Disney Channel. You must have told me at one point that she liked Jo Jo and that has stuck with me for the past few years. So even though I never met Catie I think of her often. She touched so many lives. Thanks for keeping us updated on Miss Izzy. She is the cutest!
Many prayers and hugs,
Melinda

Talley Images said...

I remember after my dad died not knowing if I would ever be able to get past it.... the thoughts just creeped in constantly, I couldnt even talk about it without welling up, and then one day last year (about 5 years later), I spoke about it and nothing happened....

that is not to make you sad or that it will take you 5 years, but I hope it gives you hope that it will happen eventually..... you never get over it, but it does become bearable and eventually, easier.....