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Monday, December 31, 2007

A New Year

I thought that I was going to be happy to see this year go... but what I'm seeing is that it's harder than I thought. Never again will there be a year in which I held and snuggled and kissed our CatieBug... never again will there be a year in which we hear her infectious laugh or her sweet voice. It's hard to let go of the last year we'll have that. In some ways that sounds so silly, It's been more than 11 months since we've had it, but... she was here for a tiny piece of 2007 and she won't be here, at least in flesh, for any of 2008. Somehow that makes me miss her more and it's hard to celebrate the end of this year.

I remember New Year's Day last year. It was on a Sunday. We had some visitors and it was Catie's last really decent day. We played some Uno and she kicked some hiney (some of you reading this remember that b/c you were there!!)... I think we made cards that afternoon w/ her new mega card making kit. I remember curling up w/ her in the hospital bed that night and wondering if it was the last New Year's Eve I would have with her. Little did I know that she only had 2 Sunday nights left. Oh how we miss her so.

This year truly has been one unlike any other and I'm thinking there won't ever be one like it again. It is difficult to put in to words exactly what this year has been. It has been such a mix of joy and sorrow that I still don't think I've completely grasped it. We know that God has sustained us and held us this year and we know that he continues to hold us tightly in the palm of His hand. We know that will not change w/ the flipping of the calendar page and for that we are so grateful.

CatieBug, I know there is no time where you are or at least that time is not significant... it's those Heaven eyes you're lucky enough to have.... remember your measly ole mom down here just gets brief glimpses through those eyes. Tonight I will hold on to the guestbook entry I think of so often when it seems like so long until I get to hold you again and feel your hand in mine and feel your fingers hold my ear (Izzy did that tonight:)... Someone wrote one time that they think that the way time is in Heaven that when Daddy and I get there and we see you again, it will have only been the blink of an eye to you... you'll be just turning around to look over your should for the first time to tell us to, "hurry up" b/c we're missing all the fun... just as if you ran ahead of us at the playground... I love that, and even though it feels like MUCH, MUCH longer down here... tonight I will dream of a place where hundreds of years are but a blink of an eye.... a place where you are enjoying eternal happiness... a place where we will see you again. We love you!

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Izzy is MUCH better! She was a PUNY girl for a good 3-4 days, but she is back to herself, all chatty and busy and giggly again. I knew she was better when the sparkle was back in her eyes when she woke up yesterday morning. We're so glad she's back to feeling like herself. We'll post some Christmas pictures soon.

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We hope this year brings nothing but good things to you and yours.... joy, good health, laughter, and wonderful memories. We hope to continue to learn from Catie and Izzy and to continue to move forward adjusting to Catie's loss... there's still so much to process even almost a year out. We hope to be just the parents Izzy needs and to guide and love her in the ways that she needs. Oh how lucky we are to be her parents. Something tells us we'll learn a lot from her this year!! :)

10 comments:

Circus Mama said...

Hey Girl - Most every day I still wish somehow I had the words . . .

I'm praying this new year brings you sweet sleep and dreams of Catie holding His hand and dancing in the flowers. I miss her too.

Love, Hugs, & Always Prayers,
Jules

Dorothy Gould said...

God Bless You Jenny, in this New Year. Thank you for all you have shared with all of us. I continue to learn from your journey, and am grateful that you continue to share. Peace to you in 2008, Dorothy

Pam Doughty said...

Jenny, I just went through Catie's guestbook, certain that I'd written those words. I found them, but I also found SO much more; notes in the guestbook from people to whom I'd sent an urgent prayer request; I didn't know for sure that they'd heard and complied, until today. So, so, SO many entries from SO many people who were touched by sweet Catie's life. I wish, for your sake, that she were here. But, I know, for God's sake, that she will always BE here in spirit, and that she did more in 4 years than most of us will do in 80.
Here's my guestbook entry:

"Every time I hear that song, Catie runs through my mind. Her hair is bouncing, and she is giggling (from all accounts, a most joyous sound, and one I would think that God would enjoy greatly). I do still believe that, because a thousand years is but a day in Heaven, Catie most certainly remembers you, and she is waiting for you. But, she's only been waiting a minute, and she's been really, really busy sight-seeing and hugging. When you get there, she'll just be turning back towards the gate, saying, in her sweet Southern drawl "Mama.. come on! Hurry up.. you're missing all the fun!" She just ran ahead of you by a little bit..."
Pam Doughty
Powder Springs, GA USA - Thursday, April 26, 2007 5:20 PM CDT

How can that have been over 8 months ago? And yet, for Catie, it truly was less than a blink...
Wishing you a New Year filled with Catie-sightings, Izzy-wonders, and butterfly-kisses!

Anonymous said...

Wishing you and your family many blessings in 2008...

Sandy P said...

I don't really have words except, I am praying that the happy memories will overshadow the hard days.

Martha said...

Oh Dear Jenny,
It is so hard to "let go" of a year that held so much. May 2008 hold happiness, comfort and peace for you guys. Praise God that it is only in the blink of an eye that you will see sweet Catie Bug. Oh how thankful I am that we are assured of that promise.
Glad Izzy is feeling better. Can't wait to see the Christmas pictures.
Thank you for sharing your life with us over the past year and even before. You are a very special person and you continue to inspire me daily. Oh, how I admire your strength.

BP said...

I'm sorry Jenny for another hard day for you all. It doesn't sound silly to me at all to be sad to see 2007 go. Sending my prayers and hugs your way. God bless you.

John & Kelley said...

A very quick note to let you know I'm thinking of you and praying for you as you remember and relive in your mind some of the most heart-wrenching days of your life. I'm remembering too. So are many, many others. Please know that we are here for you.

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year Jenny, Tre and Izzy!

Chari Warner

Anonymous said...

Many blessings to you all this year!

Sandy