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Saturday, April 26, 2008

Heaven

Before Catie died, I never thought a lot about Heaven. It's where I'm going when I die and that's about all I thought about it. I didn't give much consideration to what you do and what it's like. But with Catie there, it's definitely something I think about. I wish she could somehow send us a quarterly newsletter sharing the highlights of what she sees and does. As a Momma, it's hard not knowing what fills her life now. I don't know what Heaven will be like, but I know it will be so much better than anything I can even come close to fathoming... So, though I don't know what fills Catie's days (are there even days and nights in Heaven? time doesn't matter), I know that her heart is fuller and she is happier and more peaceful than I can even imagine. She is complete.

I do dream about what it will be like when I see her again. I always picture her with hair and still at the age of 4... and I picture her running... sometimes w/ her familiar wobble and sometimes not (is perfection being totally able-bodied or being accepted and loved by everyone you encounter for who you are, just the way you are?)... I always lift her and she fits her body into just the place she always fit and lays her head on my shoulder in the same place she always did. And I just hold her... and after a moment or two, her voice with that sweet southern accent begins to speak... and the words come out so quickly with her trying to share w/ me the things she's seen and known and done... And she laughs and she shares... And I just listen... and I soak it up... and I am grateful... grateful for a God who's plan was big enough to make a way for us to see her again... big enough to make a way to share her with us again....

I don't have any biblical back up for the specifics of my daydream... I don't know if we'll be in bodies or if it will just be our souls.... but however it is, I do believe that even as good as that daydream is, what will truly happen will be even better. I don't think our minds can comprehend the wholeness and completeness that is Heaven.

There is a song that Brad Paisley sings that I just love. I have it on my iPod and I confess to listening to it several times on some days. I know that when I get where I'm going, I will meet my Maker and I will lift Catie to my hip. There are no tears of sorrow in Heaven, but that day there may be tears of joy.

When I Get Where I'm Goin'

When I get where I'm going
on the far side of the sky.
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly.

I'm gonna land beside a lion,
and run my fingers through his mane.
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

(Chorus:)
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles,
I have carried all these years.
And I'll leave my heart wide open,
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Don't cry for me down here.

I'm gonna walk with my grandaddy,
and he'll match me step for step,
and I'll tell him how I missed him,
every minute since he left.
Then I'll hug his neck.

(Chorus)

So much pain and so much darkness,
in this world we stumble through.
All these questions, I can't answer,
so much work to do.

But when I get where I'm going,
and I see my Maker's face.
I'll stand forever in the light,
of His amazing grace.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
Hallelujah!
I will love and have no fear.
When I get where I'm going.
Yeah when I get where I'm going.

19 comments:

John & Kelley said...

What a breathtakingly beautiful post. I sobbed the whole way through it...for you and for Catie and for gratitude toward a God who has prepared a place for us. We do indeed have a tremendous hope. I'm sorry beyond words that you can no longer hold your Catie like that here. I'm grateful that you are able to daydream and imagine and hope beyond hope about what her life's like now...and what it will be like to reunite with her. And you will!

Martha from NC said...

Oh Jenny,
How we all miss our loved ones who are in heaven. How we all wish we could articulate like you do. You write so beautifully and I must admit, I read your last post through tears. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. When I think of heaven, I think of the song by Mercy Me; "I Can Only Imagine". Oh how wonderful it will be.
Hope you're having a wonderful weekend.

Becky, in N. TX said...

Jenny,

Have you read "90 Minutes in Heaven"? It was written by a pasture who died in a car accident. I wanted to suggest in to you before but I thought it was too soon........now I think you are probably at a place where it might be helpful. It is available at your local Christian book store.

In HIS grip,
Becky

Jamie said...

Jenny,
That song also hold special meaning for me too. It was the song that was played at my Mom's funeral just this past May. I also take great comfort when I hear it. In knowing that I will see my mom and those I have loved but never really "lost" again. It gives me peace in knowing a Savior whose grace is sufficient and all knowing. Even when we don't understand it.

Kim said...

Loved this post.
Just wanted you to know I've dreamed "about" Catie again. She didn't come to me or anything...she was just on my mind so much that I woke up wondering about her. She is so NOT forgotten, Jenny. She had such an impact on so many in her so brief stay here on earth. I miss her too.
See ya Sunday at L's Run!
Love, Kim

ELaw said...

As always Jenny, you have an amazing way of letting people see right into your heart. What a fabulous day that will be when Catie can once again hug your neck and you'll hear that sweet voice! (However that works:) ) I shed a few tears thinking of that for you! I love that song too and I think of lots of folks missing those that they love. What a wonderful day to look forward to! Love you!
Erin

Kelly said...

I cried when I read this post. I guess I shouldn't blog when I'm at work!! You have a beautiful way with words. Thanks for sharing.

Your girls are adorable!!

BP said...

Oh Jenny, I knew it would be a touching post when I read the title Heaven. That song always gets to me, it's on a slideshow DVD my cousin made after my Peepaw passed away.

Faithful Froggers said...

Oh, I love that song, too! I'm right there with you . . . thinking often about heaven. What treasures we have there! I thank God everyday for the promise of Heaven and seeing our loved ones again.

I hope you are having a wonderful week with Izzy!

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm still crying while I'm trying to type this. The part that got me was you picking her up and her still fitting just where she always fits and layong her head on your shoulder just where she always does. As parents, that is the most wonderful feeling in the world. They fit. I hope and pray all my children live to be ripe, old adults, but I hope somehow when I get to heaven, I'll get to experience that again too. But even if I don't, I'm so glad that you will since you're missing the lifetime of holding Catie here. And I just realized that when you keep having kids, the baby is the one you hold like that. I think I'll make a point to hold my 8 year old tomorrow! Of course, I'll probably have to wrestle him down or beg him to actually get to do it, but it's definitely worth a try! Thanks for sharing.

Love,
Alayna

Stephanie said...

Jenny-

I emailed you back at Christmas about the elves because I didn't know how to comment. I have my own blog now so I've figured it out! I just have to tell you that we played When I Get Where I'm Going at my brother's memorial service. The slideshow that I made also plays to that and "You'll Be There" by George Strait. There are days that I just ache to be in Heaven. I just want everyone that I love to go with me because I don't want to leave anyone grieving this way. I know that my brother Jimmy has Catie on one knee and my baby girl, Destiny, on the other. He loved kids and we have a real shortage of girls in our family. I know that he's eating them up and lovin that southern accent. I hope that Catie likes Tractor rides because I know that he's teaching those girls to drive just like he taught my boys. We just have to keep praising our Saviour to pass the time. Kiss that sweet baby girl of yours. Catie lives on in my heart... forever.
Stephanie

Anonymous said...

Happy Mother's Day Jenny!

Chari Warner
Alpharetta, GA

denise tidwell said...

Happy Mama's Day!

Pam Doughty said...

I just had to come by to wish a "Happy Mother's Day" to a truly awesome mom!

Tammy said...

Happy Mother's Day Jenny! Hugs from Fort Worth!

threehandprints said...

Hope you had a great Mother's Day! This was such a beautiful post:)

Monica Paquette said...

Dear Jenny,

I wish I had the verses here with me, but believers are absolutely PROMISED that we will indeed have bodies in Heaven. The Apostle Paul is ADAMANT about this and so we can look forward to hugging our departed children some day. To be honest, there are a lot of promises about Heaven that are not discussed as much today and the fact that we will have physical bodies is one of them.

Blessings to you!
Monica Paquette (Mama to Saint Gabrielle, Aubrey, and Noah)

Sandy P said...

Hope all is well, I miss hearing from you.

Talley Images said...

I hope that a lack of posting means that you guys are well and resting.... :)