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Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Mixed Bag

As we quickly approach Catie's Heaven Day, I find that the days are much like the year has been... a mixed bag... great joy and delight in Izzy and all the blessings we've been given and such longing and aching for Catie. I went back in our journal and read through her last hospital stay... her last three weeks. I watched her video again and it made me smile and remember and miss all over again. It's hard to believe that in just 10 short days she will have been gone for a whole year. 365 days since we have touched her and kissed her. Oh how we miss her... we are still learning.

If you've followed Catie's story for very long, you'll recall that she LOVED Amy Grant. One of our favorite songs, or one of my favorites maybe I should say, has been Be Still My Soul. I've recently learned it has a third verse. So I thought I'd include all of the verses.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on your side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
leave to your God to order and provide;
in every change God faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: your best, your heavenly friend
through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: your God will undertake
to guide the future as in ages past.
Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake;
all now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
the Christ who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
when we shall be forever with the Lord,
when disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past,
all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

On Amy Grant's version, there is a spoken part at the end that I love as well.
"Delight yourselves in the Lord. Yes and find your joy in him. Be known for your gentleness and never forget the nearness of our God. And don't worry, whatever's gonna come. Just tell God every detail and the peace of God that noone understands will come to you. No, don't worry. Just tell Him every detail and His peace will come to you."

That song ministered to us as we faced Catie's progressions, her relapse, her final intense treatments, and as we lost her. It continues to speak to us now, because it speaks of a hope and a peace that cannot be explained or understood. That doesn't take the missing away, but it gives you strength and allows you to still feel joy. For that we are quite grateful.


Mixed Up Me said...

Thinking of you and hoping that you find peace on the difficult days ahead. Beautiful song, by the way. I don't think I have ever heard it, but I got goosebumps reading the lyrics. Very touching. Take care of yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

I think of Catie everyday and always come here looking for a new post. I know it will be mixed feelings for you on Catie's going home day, then you turn right around and celebrate Izzy's birthday. You sound so strong and your followers will be praying for you that day and each day. I am still wondering about the total raised from Catie's elves.
Wendy in Winder, GA.

Pam Doughty said...

I believe that God directs the hearts and pens of writers now, just as He did thousands of years ago. Some of the songs that have come out recently just have His hand all over them, and that is one of them. Keep listening, Jenny, and He'll keep speaking to you. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
Thankful for His love...

Erin said...

You have blessed me once again. Thank you so much for sharing that song. I've heard it before, but its been a long time, and I really needed to read those words today. Blessings and prayers to you and your beautiful family as you go through this anniversary.

sheila said...

first time signing in, yet have been following you for a while. I have fallen in love with both your daughters. What blessings you have in both of them.
Do you mind passing on Catie's old webpage so I can read more on her. She is so stinkin cute!

Stephanie Deal said...

Mrs. Jenny...Just thinking about you and Mr. Tre' today. I'll be praying for you during the next week and always. May God Bless you all and hold you tight.
Stephanie Deal

Liticia said...

Hi Jenny and Tre'! I'm thinking of you today. I just finished reading Amy Grant's book too. It is wonderful and a blessing to read. I saw Mr. Wilkins when I was at Immanuel over New Years. So good to see him again. I'll be praying extra hard for you all over the next few days.

John & Kelley said...

You're on my mind often anyway, but especially these days. I prayed for you last night as I tried to drift off to sleep, thinking instead of the unimaginable, putting myself into your shoes for a brief moment while my 3-year-old slept down the hall. Thank you for continually raising our awareness about the prevalence of childhood cancer. As we drive around with "Joanna tags" on our vehicles, John and I hope we honor children like Catie and maybe get others thinking about this significant need--research and ministry for children with cancer.

Sandy P said...

Any update on Catie's fund? We are planning Macie's party and are honored to celebrate Catie as well.