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Sunday, October 28, 2007

Dear Catie,

Ok -- the pictures of Izzy really are coming. I haven't done her 9 month picture yet and I want to put that up.

Dear CatieBug,
Sometimes I'm so surprised at the places you pop up. Sometimes it's in the things I found around the house (like the end of a hospital bracelet that was somehow in the dustpan after I swept the kitchen this morning -- where did that come from?), or in something I smell (like the alcohol swab I used to clean the thermometer earlier this week), or something I see when I'm out and about (like the red corduroy Christmas dress with polka dots that I had to buy for Izzy yesterday because I remembered almost buying for you last year when you had asked for a dress when I went Christmas shopping), or in the animals that we seem to always run into (like the LIZARD that soooo almost got me on the swing TWICE this week -- I remember you hunting them down on the back porch), or when something funny happens (like this morning with Izzy -- keep reading and you'll see). Sometimes those moments make me sad, sometimes they make me laugh, sometimes they do both. Whatever they make me do or feel... I'm always grateful, grateful for a Catie moment. Part of me is really scared that as the years go by those moments will become fewer and farther between. I hope not... I hope they don't make me sad so much, but I hope they keep coming... for the rest of my life. They always make me feel a little closer to you, which is hard to do sometimes because you're so far away.

Mary Grace called and left a message for me for her momma last night. She sounded SO grown up and it was so good to hear her sweet voice. Bailee's been over a couple of times and it's always so nice when she's here. She always wants to play with your toys... especially Uno Attack and your Leapster. The last time she was here, we finished the tea set that you, Daddy, and I started at the hospital but didn't get to finish. I put your initials on the pieces you had painted and Bailee put a B on the bottom of the ones that she did. I think you would like the tea set! Sometimes it's such a comfort to be around kids your age... I miss talking to you!! Bailee likes to talk about you or tell me things she remembers... Sometimes she asks me things about what your favorites were or if you liked this or that. It's always nice when someone asks us about you.

There's a song that someone sent me that says, "Oh, how I want you to know I'm ok, and I just need to know that you're waiting, you're waiting... for me." That's pretty accurate. We are ok... we sure do miss you LIKE MAD, but we are ok, and we will be ok. And I KNOW we'll see you again... sometimes it just seems so far away. I know that's an earthly thing, and you know better because you have Heaven eyes now... I get glimpses, but can't see everything so clearly like you can all the time. I don't have the understanding yet that you do. But one day I will, and on that day, I'll wrap my arms around your sweet body and snuggle you close to my face once again.

I guess feeling like we have to wait so long to see you again is why those little Catie moments are so special to me... they make you feel closer.

Ms. Izzy has played with the Blue you gave her this week several times -- she likes to chew on her ear. :) Part of me wants to put the Blue up and not let it get too much love, but the other part of me knows that you would love her playing with the toy that you picked out special for her... so chew on the ear she will. The first time she crawled over to pick Blue up, my eyes welled... I remember the night you picked it out (even though you kept such a good secret from Daddy and me only giving us one clue before I opened it the shower). I remember too how you were really not feeling well on the day of the shower and you were lying on the couch for most of the time... but you helped me open up your special gift to your sister and you looked so, so proud and you hugged Blue so tight... I'll never forget that. Now when Izzy hugs it tight, it's kind of like you two girls hugging each other... hope you can feel it up there where you are.

Iz just woke up. She doesn't have a lot of hair yet, but it's starting to grow. She's got enough now that when she wakes up, it's sticking out on the side like these little wings. I think it's going to be blond with a hint of strawberry when the light hits it just right. She's sitting in her high chair right next to me chewing on her sippy cup. She's really starting to like books and some of her favorites are ones you loved too. One of her current favorites is the one called Jingle Babies. Do you remember that one? I swear we read it a thousand times. It's going to be the same with Izzy.

Daddy and I love you so much... we think of you every day and we know how happy you are now... We are so grateful for that. We'll keep doing our thing down here, learning to live full like you did... and then, when it's time, we're coming to see you.

P.S. Ok, ok, I'll tell you the funny Izzy story (though I can't believe I'm actually writing this down). This morning Izzy woke up later than usual (which is why we didn't make it to church this morning -- she's our alarm clock and is usually up by 6:45). So we were being a little lazy and lounging. Someone was a little flatulent and let go some audible air. Without missing a beat, Izzy looked at the guilty party and blew the best raspberry you've ever heard! Oh my goodness, how we laughed!!!


Circus Mama said...

Oh my goodness I'll bet you laughed & laughed, and laughed at how much Catie would have laughed! I have no doubt Izzy didn't wake up early this morning because that moment of laughter was exactly the medicine you guys needed today. Someday in the future, you will be soooo glad you wrote that "funny" down.

May your every week be as full of Catie moments as this one past!

Love & Big big Hugs!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey girl! Just checking on ya'll this morning. I remember, too, how bad Catie felt the day of the shower -- but I also remember she was so, so excited to give you the gift that she had picked out for "her" baby. And I have no doubt that you will FOREVER have "Catie moments" and that they will be no less sweet than they are today. Love you guys! Give Izzy a kiss for me!


Becky, in N. TX said...


Thank you. That was sooooooooo funny.
Catie KNOWS your heart now in ways we aren't able to imagine!!! I wanted to tell you - Yes, you will ALWAYS have your "Catie Moments". It has been 30 years since my mom went to be with the Lord(I was 11). I still have "mommy moments". I never know what will trigger them. Usually it is a smell or a taste. But sometimes I meet someone that reminds me of her in some particular way or I see something she liked. So be assured you WON"T forget her- I promise.

In HIS grip,

sara said...

The post was good. May you continue to have Catie moments. I miss Catie.


addie&daniel said...

ha ha ha - that Izzy story just made me roll....

and that letter to Catie is just beautiful.... she was/is very lucky to be loved so much

Catherine Rogers said...

These days joy is bittersweet, and the sadness comes in waves. But all in all, healing is taking place in our lives, yours and mine. Our precious ones, your Catie, my Terry, want us to be happy and move along in life with tender steps careful to not stumble with a heavy grief that might weigh us down. I think if we listen oh so carefully we can hear them laughing, singing, cheering us on, encouraging us on the road ahead we face without them. They were, they are greatly loved; forever in our hearts, lingering in our minds and always finding ways to remind us that they still belong to us and we to them. Thank God for his loving heart that lifts us when we become too grieved, too blinded to see those subtle things. By the way, Izzy is getting cuter by the day. What a doll. Hug her for me!

Catherine Rogers said...

I forgot to mention, yesterday was our 30th anniversary. I took our children and granddaughter to Gatlinburg for a a couple of days to celebrate his amazing life. We miss him so much, but I have learned from you that God gives us grace to face each new day. Bless you Jenny! Hugs!